Surviving a Breakup or Divorce: Tips from a Couple’s Therapist in Indy
Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. These tips will help you cope, process, and start to move forward from the end of a relationship.
Take care of your basic needs
Keep up with your hygiene, get enough sleep, and eat things that fuel you. Accomplishing these things may seem like a mountain to climb right now. Remember, focus on doing the best you can. If the only way you will take a shower is by sitting on the shower floor, do it. If you are struggling with falling and staying asleep, consider trying meditations designed to help with this as well as getting a body pillow (particularly if you are not used to sleeping alone). Consider taking advantage of more convenient ways to eat healthfully. Meal delivery service can help with keeping portions moderate, having balanced meals, and having less decisions to make come dinner time. You can also consider preparing quick, convenient meals such as salad, sandwiches with whole grain bread, and oatmeal.
Be active regularly
Taking a 10 minute walk is better than nothing and if you need to you can cry and walk at the same time. Consider asking a friend to join you to both hold you accountable and benefit from having the company. Alternatively, walking alone can help you reflect and process. Consider also listening to music while walking that helps you relax, feel a bit happier, and/or work through the breakup. One caveat to be mindful of is limiting upsetting music that can lead to dwelling and falling further into depression.
Rearrange or redecorate your space
Take down photos of your ex. You don’t have to get rid of them completely, but it can help you move forward from the image of the supposedly happy couple portrayed in such photos. Consider making even small changes to your space that help you have a sense of starting a new chapter. Changing a few pieces of wall art, adding knickknacks, and getting new accent pillows for your couch can help with reclaiming your space.
Remember why you are not together right now
It could be you and your ex wanted different things for the future, were no longer compatible, or trust was broken beyond what could be worked on in couples counseling. Particularly if you are the one who was broken up with, it can be as simple as recognizing you deserve better than being with someone who does not want to be with you.
Give your feelings space to exist
Depending on the circumstances of the breakup, you may experience a range of emotions, including grief, anxiety, frustration, guilt, relief, and hope. You may truly experience all of these emotions in an hour! Within what you can tolerate, sit with them and try to listen to them without labeling them as how you are supposed to be feeling or not.
Immerse yourself in things you enjoy
Focus your energy on the other parts of your life, particularly those going better. This can help give you a sense of accomplishment, distract yourself, and recognize you are still you - even without your ex.
Get support from friends and family in ways that actually help
Well-meaning friends and family may talk negatively about your ex as a way to empathize with you and validate your feelings. This is fine or even helpful initially, but if it becomes a regular topic of discussion when you see them, such comments may actually keep you stuck and prevent you from moving on.
Seek help from a professional
If you are experiencing post-break up anxiety or depression that makes it difficult for you to get out of bed, difficult for you to take care of yourself or leads to you having thoughts of harming yourself, your struggles are beyond what you and your family and friends can help with. Get connected to a trained professional with expertise in helping clients navigate such concerns.
Having a relationship end can be painful, discouraging, and lead to feelings of hopelessness and helplessness. These tips can help you work through any unpleasant feelings, learn from your experience, and have a greater sense of control over your future and life.
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