Resolving Conflict in Relationships: Effective Strategies from a Couples Therapist
Everyone has conflict. That “perfect” couple down the block? The pair of best friends who seem to be attached at the hip? The nice family you know who gets together every Friday for dinner? They all experience conflict as part of their relationships.
Conflict is an inevitable part of being in a close relationship with another person. No two people experience the world through identical lenses. So having differing perspectives or expectations can lead to heated moments. Whether it is discord between romantic partners, a disagreement between friends, or concerns between family members, conflict can be one of the most unenjoyable elements of sharing life with someone else.
Conquering Conflict: Healthy Approaches
While conflict can create moments of tension, pain, or awkwardness, it is possible to conquer conflict in healthy ways. Before even entering into a heated moment with someone, take time to first reflect on your individual boundaries for conflict.
What behaviors during conflict are triggering for you? Consider what you are willing to accept from yourself and from the person you are in conflict with. Are you comfortable with raised voices? Do you feel safe with cursing? Sarcasm? Interrupting? By defining your boundaries, you will be able to better understand when it is time for you to walk away from a conflict. Let alone enter into conflict with someone!
Setting Boundaries for Effective Conflict Resolution
If you are in a romantic relationship, establishing mutual boundaries for conflict can be beneficial. Talk openly with your partner about what you both will accept and shy away from during a disagreement. Perhaps you feel comfortable with cursing during an argument, but your partner does not feel safe when they hear that language during conflict. Set boundaries you both feel comfortable with. To maximize feelings of comfort, safety, and connection even in difficult moments.
Effective Communication in Conflict
In the midst of conflict, strive toward clear language when trying to communicate your concerns. Use I vs. You statements to better express your understanding of the situation and your own feelings.
For example, saying, “I feel disappointed when you don’t take an interest in my family” is less inflammatory than saying, “You never think about anyone but yourself!!” The I statement allows the speaker to express their distress toward a situation and their accompanying feelings in a way that is not aggressive, rude, or disrespectful toward the other person.
Taking a Break: The Importance of Pause in Conflict
If conflict has begun and you or the person you are in disagreement with feels unsafe, uncomfortable, or just exhausted, do not be afraid to take a break! The popular phrase “don’t go to bed angry” can be detrimental. As it encourages people to keep working through a challenge despite the circumstances. Sleep, hunger, stress levels, etc can contribute to the intensity of feelings during a disagreement, and it is okay to pause a disagreement in order to regroup. Sometimes, taking a few hours, getting a night of sleep, eating a meal, or just giving your brain a break can be helpful in deescalating a situation and eventually, finding a resolution!
Finding yourself in a heated moment with someone you love can be uncomfortable, but by defining your own boundaries for disagreements, establishing mutual boundaries with a partner, using clear, direct language during discord, and feeling empowered to take a pause during a difficult moment, you can set yourself (and the people you love!) up for easier resolution of conflict.
Ready to Begin Couples Counseling in Indianapolis, IN?
If you find that you need additional support in this area, we’re ready to help you! At Indiana CRC, we can work with you and your partner to improve conflict resolution in order to regain a peaceful and loving relationship. Working with our skilled couples therapists in couples counseling can be a powerful tool to achieve your relationship goals. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact us to schedule an appointment for couples counseling.
Begin meeting with one of our skilled couples therapists
Start managing conflicts in your relationship in a healthy way!
Other Services Offered at Indiana Counseling & Resilience Center
At Indiana Counseling & Resilience Center, we want to support our clients with any mental health struggle they may be facing. So, in addition to couples counseling, our team of skilled and caring therapists specializes in trauma & PTSD counseling, anxiety therapy, and EMDR therapy. We offer our services both in-person and online in the state of Indiana. For more about us check out our FAQs!
